The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name

I haven’t done my ‘blog’ thing in all this time since I stopped with the ovarian cancer blog [http://sandhysown.blogspot.com/], as I couldn’t do it - brain haemorrhage and stroke things don’t make you feel like chatting [oh chuckle chuckle - that means the brain makes NO speaking - NO conversations…fucking hilarious. Not.] I am now doing it pretty badly; but I’m getting there. If it upsets you to read a badly written and hideously spelt text - go and read a magazine dearie. I’ve decided to do a blog. It may be horrid. Tough.

So. Excellent today. After 4 and a half entertaining and harrowing years, I have suddenly rediscovered my MUSIC! I suddenly miss it. Now.

Life is very strange when your body gets attacked by the jolly brain haemorrhage…lots of things take an age to reappear. Or don’t come back at all. In my opinion, mine WILL carry on appearing until I die.

And, mostly, no one understands. At all. ‘Gosh you look SO super now darling’ - yeah. Right. Going through cancer was SO much easier than this - sounds insane, but unless you’ve done it, you can’t imagine. The problem is that people fall over helping others with cancer - fab. I had amazing people when I had ovarian cancer. It was incredible to be so cared for. And I still am. But people who have strokes and brain haemorrhages [by the way, ‘haemorrhage’ is a rather loose term here] do not get that same care after they leave. No one really knows what to do with each person. Some of them can’t SPEAK which is difficult, and other things happen as well. Life is very hard after these attacks.

I have discovered that it DOES take bloody ages. It makes it hard to think I have moved forward at all. But I have. I am now going to try to do a blog for all the other people who have had a brain haemorrhage, a stroke or both [shriek!!]. Mostly the brain haemorrhage.

It was very useful to do this for the ovarian cancer, as I couldn’t find anything constructive to read about it whilst I was going through ovarian cancer. BUT frighteningly, this is worse. I can’t really read now. Grr. But I try. It REALLY pisses me off. I always read books - literally thousands of them. Now - none. So, so sad…but hey. Life carries one.

But - who does actually care? It does suck sometimes. But those of us who have had either brain haemorrhage, a stroke or both, we need to get together, we can resolve a lot of things. As a charity we can definitely make a plan. And we do!

Personally, I can now dig in the garden [the first year I sat in the garden crying, as I could not do anything properly] - I can slice up food now [without killing anyone] - make sandwiches [er - sort of ok] - TYPE email and letters and birthday cards [yes!!!] ...speak to people [scary scary but I do it!] - be kind to the fools who DO NOT actually try to understand what has happened to my brain...or my life.

I could go on. The time of a brain haemorrhage getting ‘better’ takes ages. So does [for me] the stroke - my stroke was 4 days later. I am/was used to rushing and hurrying...but I am SO chuffed that recently I am almost getting there. STILL no reading - yet. Not yet...

I wish that I could appear years back - but I’m not. I now have aphasia [look it up] - the ‘you can’t speak because you’ve had an ‘accident’… I try not to talk about it but it’s hard. BUT I have the FH - all of us rely so much on the people who care - actually care - about us.

Without the people who take care of our every SINGLE day to get us back to some normality - life would be very, very hard…

All good fun for a start-up blog I reckon! See the Ting Tings - too cool!