As I said in my last post - the first time in my life I had no power to help myself. And a long time ago I had a blog.

I had ovarian cancer, stage 3b in February 2008. Interesting - I though it was the worse possible thing that could have happened to me, other than I died of a nervous breakdown for being so worried about dying of cancer. Or my wonderful FH also having a breakdown too.

If only I knew then what happened since? I would have chuckled all the way through my cancer treatment, the incredible after care that I was given - the way that everything was explained, planned, shown and everyone helped me. With all the kind and beautiful people who dealt with me in the hospital, I felt so empowered. I was going to survive.

At that time, I loved the hospital! And everyone in it too. Because I was still ‘here’.

Then, I could speak in constructive ways. I could make the things that I wanted to tell you into something that helped me to express my feelings and my life and to make sure that it was comprehensible.

And I wanted to help other women that had the same thing - ovarian cancer. At that point, no one thought any of us would survive.

But we did.

I had masses of blog friends. Some of which I still have now. Some of my beautiful friends are gone, because cancer is so hard. It took them. But they are still with us. Still with me. You never forget if you understand what anyone is really going through. If you stop and listen. Hard! Or you have it yourself.

A wonderful thing to find friends though. A wonderful thing to manage to cope with the cancer. A wonderful thing to be happy even when you are struggling with a horrible disease.

My fab 10-year design job in Europe had to come to an end - too many operations, chemo and rather difficult for a while. Hard to walk after chemo - exhausted and I became quite over weight. And feeling like crap. Walking to the local shop I had to stop half way up the little hill to cope. It made me determined.

This is now a way for me to try to blog again. Determination.

For you - I have aphasia, which is a really frustrating thing for writing, reading, speaking…and for anyone who does NOT have it - no, you cannot EVER understand what it feels like. And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Ever. A subarachnoid haemorrhage / brain aneurysm and a small stroke 4 days later made me slightly pissed off. 6 days in a coma - chuckalious.

Aphasia is one of those things that happens when you brain gets damaged. In different ways. And everyone is different afterwards.

I am going to push this up while I am trying to find some money for our brilliant Force cancer charity. I will be [hopefully!] cycling the Nello in June. In the meantime, I am going to try to explain what happened to me in 2014.

And to explain that having cancer actually helped me to have a brain injury. A little mad do you think? Hmm.

It could all rather interesting - or it may be a tad boring…if the words are ridiculously pointless [to you] and they are not able to be understood; run away. Do not look back.

Aphasia makes your speech different - if you CAN speak. And the brain gets damaged, which means your entire core changes. Hello friends - the ones that are still here.

If it is even interesting at all, have a read - I shall be trundling out more of my Dramatic Life for the blog. And for the people who are remotely interested.

I am going to try to start at the ‘beginning’ - the day I almost died. Again. BUT - doing this with my interesting mind? It could go completely backward. Or not. And I have to ask people who were there whilst I ‘wasn’t’ to collect some of the things I cannot remember.

Boom boom - see how I go!