Happy anniversary Sandhy!

I died on the 19th of May, 2014: I suffered from a subarachnoid haemorrhage in my brain - called the subarachnoid space. The space was filled up with blood.

It was everywhere inside my head. My neck. A lot of blood. For over 15 hours. Dying. Quietly. 7 years ago now.

I had a horrific, unimaginable headache that pushed me into a coma. I never even knew. With those type of headaches, no one remembers them. They are beyond saving sometimes.

But I helped my own survival - I left the building. Waiting for help.

My brain has 6 aneurysms. One [the worse one] of the subarachnoid haemorrhage area was clipped. The other has been bandaged. The others are still sitting in my wonderful head. Fingers crossed. Thank goodness they check it every year.

I have a titanium plate in my head. I hit that head a lot. My mind does not look or see. It waits for the brain to tell it. So - a lot of painful bangs on my poor head. At least I don't cry every time now. I can used the mind a little more. Better than hoping someone will stand in front of me all the time - I would probably be rather violent. I always try my best. Always.

But sometimes? No one understands. And at last, I understand that. I understand that people think I am stupid. Slow. Unattractive - such awful lack of self now…

Anyway. The subarachnoid haemorrhage and the Brain went on causing quick death - so I also had a minimal stroke 4 days later.

Today, on the 19th May 2021, I am still here.

My FH went to work.

Today I spent the day alone.

Because I remember this now. Piece by terrifying piece. It has taken a long time - and it's hard.

But - I am still here. And my FH is too.

So! Happy anniversary to my FH - and: happy anniversary Sandhy! You have survived three times now - once through ovarian cancer. Secondly, having a 4 hour operation after 15 hours lying on the ground in a coma. Waiting. And third was the bloody stroke. Not being able to run. More help in my head…but it did wake me up!

Surviving. 

''The face surrounded by lots of hair. The face without Bells Palsy – the face before all this BS cancer stuff happened – and to think I was complaining then!!

The old face I had was actually rather a nice one actually. Ah vanity vanity...''