Memories - honest or not?

One of those astounding memories that reappear on Facebook every year - the beginning of a new life 9 years back. At the time, it was not for me really - but for the FH. For my family. For my friends. My backup. Then.

At the moment, during #AphasiaAwarenessMonth, people are beginning to comprehend that a #braininjury is not an ordinary #stroke 🧠🗣️

At last 😤😂

I am getting better when I am not told that I am 'too slow' - 'two many curse words'...and definitely far too much honesty. Stand at the back #sandhy 😭😶

And no. The *after effects* of surviving a subarachnoid haemorrhage, which only INCLUDES #aphasia - does not go away. 

Onward and upward - we do try not to be a bore; we have to relearn our lives.

For me? Yet again. I always thought that getting better after ovarian was so hard. And it was - but I recovered with 2 years. I was on my feet by 5 years. Then? A new and interesting brain injury - and I am STILL trying to get back there. Hence rage. And having horrid speaking - and no, it's not who I was before.

So, working with the #tribe - and working together. Helping one another. And trying to stop talking bullshit - trying to be honest. #reading #writing #comprehension

Things we battle with every single day. Forever. 

It’s not #amazing 🙄 - BUT we are battlers; incredible Humans…🐱‍👤🧠

Stand back and bow 🙏🏼✊🏻 - but only those who try to understand the after effects of a brain injury.
And hey!  I am no longer 'too slow' 

When the FH was alone... 😶🤐

Happy anniversary Sandhy!

I died on the 19th of May, 2014: I suffered from a subarachnoid haemorrhage in my brain - called the subarachnoid space. The space was filled up with blood.

It was everywhere inside my head. My neck. A lot of blood. For over 15 hours. Dying. Quietly. 7 years ago now.

I had a horrific, unimaginable headache that pushed me into a coma. I never even knew. With those type of headaches, no one remembers them. They are beyond saving sometimes.

But I helped my own survival - I left the building. Waiting for help.

My brain has 6 aneurysms. One [the worse one] of the subarachnoid haemorrhage area was clipped. The other has been bandaged. The others are still sitting in my wonderful head. Fingers crossed. Thank goodness they check it every year.

I have a titanium plate in my head. I hit that head a lot. My mind does not look or see. It waits for the brain to tell it. So - a lot of painful bangs on my poor head. At least I don't cry every time now. I can used the mind a little more. Better than hoping someone will stand in front of me all the time - I would probably be rather violent. I always try my best. Always.

But sometimes? No one understands. And at last, I understand that. I understand that people think I am stupid. Slow. Unattractive - such awful lack of self now…

Anyway. The subarachnoid haemorrhage and the Brain went on causing quick death - so I also had a minimal stroke 4 days later.

Today, on the 19th May 2021, I am still here.

My FH went to work.

Today I spent the day alone.

Because I remember this now. Piece by terrifying piece. It has taken a long time - and it's hard.

But - I am still here. And my FH is too.

So! Happy anniversary to my FH - and: happy anniversary Sandhy! You have survived three times now - once through ovarian cancer. Secondly, having a 4 hour operation after 15 hours lying on the ground in a coma. Waiting. And third was the bloody stroke. Not being able to run. More help in my head…but it did wake me up!

Surviving. 

''The face surrounded by lots of hair. The face without Bells Palsy – the face before all this BS cancer stuff happened – and to think I was complaining then!!

The old face I had was actually rather a nice one actually. Ah vanity vanity...''

           

       

a bad week

This week has been one of those weeks. 

When your head is almost on fire with rage and upset and distress.

When your heart breaks because everything seems to go wrong.

Bad week.