The Invisible Broken Brain: 2022

Saturday 31 December 2022

Titanium plates

A question for people who *wish to understand about titanium plates* that we people have it smashed into our skulls whilst not understanding anything about the after effects🤔

Is my titanium mesh:

A: Alpha alloys

B: Beta alloys

C: Alpha+beta alloys

Trying to understand [by trying to read ho ho] the information about a piece of metal in my skull 💀 is extreme. Aphasia is still moving forward, but I still cannot understand well, as I cannot comprehend unless I have help. Help can be like sunshine in winter. Very little.

Having a chat with a doctor is not useful. Simply because I am unusual. 1 in 59 who survives with the effects of my brain bleed / subarachnoid haemorrhage / aneurism [and after 8 years, most people think I am now “fine” - I just love that 😳]. The type of stroke that I had after the craniotomy was minuscule compared to the bleed.

So. The pain in my head during extreme cold appears to be quite extreme. Therefore I am trying to work out the best thing to do. Wearing a woolly hat maybe the only answer but to recall putting that one my head each time? 🧠

Send me a postcard if you have any input about extremities after a Craniotomy in the titanium plate. When the weather is freezing 🥶

See info that I cannot understand 100%

Wednesday 21 December 2022

Struggling already

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#day06

Oh yes. Already I am trying to NOT do this blog. If I had a secretary I’d simply waffle down the phone and watch my words appear in the local newspaper 📰 each day. But hey - at least I’m honest when I do my little teeny social media attack. Mass communication. Broadcasting the info that passes through my Incredible Brain. Pros and Cons.

Getting carried away in five different ideas. Ten times a day…

To try to stop, so I’ve started! Yesterday went into race mode. Today is our Crimbo lunch, all the Moving Tribe art will be there if they are well and it’s wonderful to get together to celebrate. We are alive.

I love that word suddenly too: race mode… who on earth says that, ever? Anyway. Running which gives me fatigue.

Fatigue makes my brain angry. It has taken me a VERY long time to understand the difference between fatigue and exhaustion and tired.

My brain forces the mind to over compensate. I wonder if somewhere, someone has that type of brain that actually tells you things. Instead of just wandering of, deciding things with asking first.

Rage. Hmm.

Trying to look forward; presents were the hardest . I want to be a millionaire. Whose assets are worth everything and nothing. Money can be handy, but actually finding the thing you wish for is harder. But! I battered that mind and finally won. If my friends don’t like their pressies? We’ll flog ‘em for money for art ✏️🖌

Last night I built a large salad, a bowl of baby potato’s with mint - astounding how my brain remembers how to do a “proper” salad. And we are doing our lunch in winter. 😂🥗

One of my mates is doing ALL the cooking! Roast spuds, turkey - you name it, that’s what coming. We are taking Christmas spirit to all- not what you buy. What you bring in your heart.

Today one of my beautiful friends will have a celebratory drink from us all. He is not in the room, but he is in our hearts. At the moment I am struggling with people who are leaving, piece by piece. Family. Friends.

So holding on. With rage.

P.s: I found the ‘Justify’ bit for the paragraphs - oh so chuffed….✍🏻📖

Monday 19 December 2022

Tenacity…

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#day04

#blogger is in tired mode today 🤣

😳

#keepingtrack

Sunday 18 December 2022

Third day!

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#day03

It is raining. Non stop. And windy. Totally tedious weather. So, here I am, in the kitchen basically wandering about. And wondering. A lot.

For what I was, what I now am, where I am going. Too many things battering about in my head. Worrying about silly things - spelling / confusion with words / rereading 🙄 etc.

Blogging. Hilarious, considering how long it has taken me to be able to do this. Again. And [genius!] no one needs to read this. No one. Unless they want to. Last time, with cancer, I was more logical - I.e.: if you don’t wish to know, leave.

And I knew I was going to get better. And move on. With my #newlifestyle? It is going to be with me always. Forever. #ffs

In the meantime, trying to find a way of putting ALL my #stuff in a more logical format. A sort of formal way of thinking would be really useful. 🧠🦸🏼‍♀️

For anyone who has the after effects of a brain injury, and has aphasia as ONE of the after effects, and you have no one to listen to your questions [when you ask it 55 times and still can’t comprehend it? They sort of run away] -

Headway - the brain injury association are in the HealthUnlocked forum.

Impressive. 👍🏻🫵🏻🙏🏼

After 8 years it is still there for me - an email that appeared every couple dof months but I could not read them for a long time. Because I went on there coping with ovarian cancer, I am still part of some of the forums. But not with Headway.

That was in 2008. I met many other women who were looking for chats and help. And I still talk to those wonderful people whom I met through HealthUnlocked

We all had blogs, no matter our age, our background or anything other than the fact that we wanted to help one another to survive.

Coping with cancer when you can chat on a forum is very useful. And it’s easy to be informed by double checking any research that is passed around.

Trying to chat / check / ask for help and understand after a brain injury? Very, very hard. And that is exactly what I mean when I say I am re-learning. How to comprehend. How to understand. How to assess and reappraise. How to remain calm instead of allowing my brain to crush my mind.

And sending the message to all; a brain injury NEVER goes away.

Aphasia never goes away.

Determination is the best, as even now, after 8 years, I am still moving forward. Finding humans that try to understand how extremely difficult it is to change you entire life - and how it takes so long.

And how many simply walk away.

This chuckalious #blog of mine - it is speaking for all who cannot speak. And allow others to try to learn.

#1in59 #brainbleed #SaH #artist #invisibledisabledartist #riottospeak #aphasia #arttherapy #artlife

Saturday 17 December 2022

Day 2 - see how I go...

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#day02

Putting anything on Instagram has become the "You Will Follow The Leader " plan.

Written posts are constantly re-copied...or creating reels [reels invite you to create fun videos!] Ah - immersive videos. Educate your audience! Ho-hum. 👾

Creating a NEW #socialmedia account? Hmm - unless you have the time to remain relevant + fixated [24/7] - or, if your mindset cannot find or comprehend those #copyandpaste words? Nor find realism to pass out to the masses?

Oh yes! Do be sure not to say words that are now #verboten: [not permitted or allowed : forbidden or prohibited by (or as if by) **AUTHORITY**] ✍🏻
Anybody met that astounding Human who has the Power (or right) to Give Orders to all of Us? I don't think so... 🤨💬

Sometimes, #aphasia can help [I know - a startling thought, to say the least] as copying online is easy. If you can read other peoples words in an instant.

Between my brain 🧠+ my mind 🤯? I still can't 'copy' unless it is spreading something that I feel is true.
And to comprehend well? That is 24/7 without social media.
Spelling? Extremely interesting if it is incorrect.

My social media attack is now dreadful. Because I can't lie. Ever.

So. You may say:
• #thatsamazing • #thatsinspirational • #youlookamazing • #selflove 🙄

#loveandadorable #beautiful #happy #lookinggood #follow

So - I have discovered something astounding. FB is more interesting.

Perhaps taking 8 years to get to the point of reading more than 2 lines before standing back to reappraise and assess?
Or perhaps my brain is simply still moving forward. 🧠☺️

One day, I may be able to read a book again. 📚👩🏼‍🏫
A book that takes away all the sadness 😭 - reading fiction! Reading allows your imagination to become engaged. Connecting emotionally to characters. Reflecting ones own feelings, problems [!] and desires - as you read.

So. One day. Determined. 👩🏻‍🦳👩🏼‍💻👸🏼